On Age

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 « How old are you » is a question which as you get older, seems to become a taboo question.

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Fewer people ask me this question lately.

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I would probably prefer to be asked « how young I am » as I notice that I start resisting a tiny bit at giving my «age » probably because of the loaded expectations or surprises that come along…It is always a moment of Truth right into your face….My age? Is it shameful to age? Is it the beginning of the end? That can be a bit scary past 40’s. Is this connected to a perceived narrowing of life possibilities? Your body changing, your perspectives on everything changing? And, welcome to the time of deconstructing what I took years to make sense of…Ha!

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It can be disorientating to “age”….That’s just a fact….But, these days I feel more powerful than I ever felt, with just less…less pushing, more allowing myself to flow and float at times…as I continue to want to say YES (to all facets of Life). Saying YES, also to all my « NOs »…

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« What, you are 48? »…Ha, trying to say a big yes to that too!…Yes, I am aging like many, and this is not a process one particularly enjoys let’s be honest, especially as a woman. Our societies still hold some kind of discriminatory vision of women aging and what they should had or have done….Much more than men…

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However, despite all of this, I find myself the most sexiest as I ever felt!

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A number of things starts shifting in your body (and that’s scary), in your way of seeing Life….Ok, bring it on. Naivety out, Innocence back in! Welcome to the radical honesty that blows into your face….And regrets? Yes, the regrets of all the “could have”…Ca pique, ouch!

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The paradox is real: as much as I am faced with such radical honesty, I feel so alive, as pulled to live Life even more, even more radically when it comes to claiming my authentic self in all forms of expression. And that part is exquisitely beautiful.

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I often think about the elders in my family or elders who have inspired me….As I start being the eldest in my groups, be personal or professional, I am noticing that I soften so magically into caring for the next generation that is coming with so much energy and vibrancy…I find myself wanting to support that generation so immensely so that they do not have to do some of what I had to. “I’ve done it so that you don’t have to do it”…a teacher told me once. I like that.

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I also start seeing loops of repetitions as I observe Life and human beings….Time and human processes are just infinite loops….just more or less the same stuff, over and over.

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Younger, we rebel and feel we understand it all. We, at times, fail at listening to our elders who could have been into similar loops as us. But we had such a badass energy! The energy of « the everything is possible ».

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Older, we seem to surrender into the fact that we probably do not understand anything. Or little. And that this fact is now so soothing, instead of being scary.

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I increasingly love the idea of the mystery of not knowing and get afraid of all these claims of “Truth”…I take interest in perspectives, contemplations, and explorations as invitation only. The truth experiencing over the truth telling.

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Aging? I have to say: all good so far.

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I love the fact that I start relaxing, with an increased humor, more into my own being, into my yoga practice, into my world, into pretty much everything.

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I love questions more than answers.

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The Truth is in the Mystery, that does not want to be known.

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Just life living itself. C’est tout. 🌟